Monthly Archives: March 2012
If you’re thinking why i translated it in English, it’s because of some firangi readers on my blog. There’s a page on Facebook called “Aap dude hain” that page has got more than ten thousand likes on facebook, which means it is very popular between the youth of India. But, the most important thing is that the title of the page asks you a question, a question which you can ask yourself….. Kya Aap Dude Hain? Now, obviously you will consider yourself a dude and a fun loving guy whom the girls like and you actually think of yourself as a hunk. NO, You’re not!
NEWSFLASH: You’re not cool, you’re not DUDE, You’re not a hunk because you’re just ego maniacally self centered son of a bitch who tries to act like a cool dude around the girls and think of yourself as a mature guy who is very loyal to your friends. You’re a WANNABE. you’re not your true self. Admit it or not, you’re not yourself. you’re two-faced person, and i repel two-faced person, i hate them and i disgust them.
So, now all the talk aside, let’s get you cranked up and let me show you how to be a dude. The nice things about this Guide is that you have to potray your true self and just change yourself, just dwell into a new character and just blend in to the new form.
HOW TO BE A DUDE ON Facebook?
1. Well… you see, a dude is basically a boy who is handsome , dynamic, talented, athletic, tall, and funny. So, First thing to keep in mind, are you a football fan?
If yes, green flag.. if not, become one… football is a necessary part of the whole DUDE concept.. you need not learn the terminologies, just learn a few club names and a few famous players… also if your friends love soccer (yes I am still talking about the same thing) then NEVER , EVER, say that you like Chelsea coz this is like a red card for you in the field of dudes (yes, red card means ban)
Important lesson learned from point 1 : Learn new and cool things everyday. & Start hating Chelsea Football Club. So make events, like pages and post statuses like “I am a Messi Lover” (Trust me, as gay as it sounds, ppl will start noticing the new you.)
2. Next thing, and probably much more important than football, is MUSIC. If u started singing Rebeca “BITCH” Black’s FRIDAY or Justin “GAY LESBO FARTNUGGET” Beiber’s BABY just after hearing the word music then get the f*ck out, you aren’t entitled for the rest of the guide. And if you didn’t, then good, now keep this in mind, you can’t even think of loving people like Justin Beiber and Rebecca black, they’re like… umm… , well what can be worse!!!
3. What should you like? That’s easy like pissing in the wind, you have to say I like rock even if you don’t… in case you don’t, just learn these names, AC-DC, METALLICA, NIRVANA, LED ZEPPLIN, GUNS n ROSES and also a few like GREENDAY, THE SOLIDS and AEROSMITH. When your friends are talking about them , just say I love the song stairway to heaven and you’re good to go dude (yes, I just called u that)
So share the best rock videos and links time to time.
4. Dont try the dangerous stunts because it will not impress the girls it will make you look like a little bitch when fall down doing a stunt. the vehicle you drive… If u have a 200 cc bike and u know how to handle it…GO GO GO! we all know bikes are hot. But you know what’s hotter, a guy who knows how to drive one. Oh yes, to become a dude you don’t actually need a bike… u just need to know a few terms like WHEELY, stoppy etc… if u don’t know them, Learn it, watch the shitty videos on tube. now that petrol is expensive, feel safe on your pleasure (why should we let girls have the fun) and keep in mind, that whenever a conversation about bikes starts in your so-called dude friends , you should be ready to spit out the sentences containing all those terms.
After all who wants to see you driving a bike on facebook… a profile pic of you sitting on a karizma is more than enough.
As for another related thing, have some knowledge on cars… aston martin, Ferrari, Chevrolet, blah blah… if u don’t have this, Google will help you, after all Google is also a dude, Cars are hot… every dude in the world is born with car loving gland right next to the heart…
Share a Bugatti Veyron pic on your wall right now!!!
5. What now, probably the most amazing part till now, girls… there are 2 kinds of girls, one who are sensible and other who actually exist. So as we have to concentrate on those who exist, we’re not gonna talk sense with them… talk rubbish and try to sound as emotional as u can… at the same time , never forget you’re a cool dude who loves speed and sports , so repeat these chants as soon as you’re done talking to them.. “eminem is the king of rap , beiber is the queen of crap” or “Barcelona FCB is a hit and rest all is shit” (you can replace Barca with any club of your choice except for Chelsea)
Well after reading all this I know you have a pretty good knowledge on how to become a dude on Facebook.
When you’re doing this stuff on Facebook , no one cares if you’re 15, if you’re a looser in reality and if you’re actually an all different gender!!!
I am gonna end this with one thing, you are what you are, try to improve and not to imitate, or you might just become what we evolved from!!
Many consider them as heroes, some may consider them as god. At the end of the day, they make the people of India happy and they go home or the hotel to sleep on a very cozy bed with a big fat CHECK. The people of India Adore them, they even buy their kids insurance or Bike because of them. The people reward them with superordinate recognitions in Indian Army or Indian Navy, which otherwise are given to defense or navy men who overcome years of struggle and possess an outstanding experience in their respective fields.
I Burst your BUBBLE. They are People, not celebs or actor or item girls they are just people. they have two hands and legs and they know how to use them for their own good. Just like us. They are our Indian cricketers who are not matching up to the expectations of many cricket lovers these days, thus inviting ridicule from every corner. Nevertheless, there is every possibility that one win in any of the upcoming matches might bring back all that adulation. We Indians I tell you!
I open the newspaper and there’s no talk about a new Movie that Katrina is signing. i read the” Saif Ali Khan beats up a Biz Man” story. it was quiet hilarious. 🙂 then i flip some pages skip the health column( None of my concern) and i reach to the Sports column and the headlines say. ” PHIR DIL DO HOCKEY KO”. Then i read that Indian hockey team played brilliantly in the Olympic Qualification tournament. Whereas it is a matter of pride that we are excelling in our national sport, that too with limited support and resources.
There’s just one small article in the left side of the page and rest of the page was filled with CRICKET SH!T…
Why is it only about cricket all the time? And if Indian cricket team is performing badly these days, they are not to blame. We hype even the tiniest wins and reward cricketers with hell lot of monies. We form over the top expectations and media simply fuels them!:(
Be it Olympics or any other international games, I don’t know if there are enough players representing our country. Given the limited importance India gives to sports other than cricket, it takes a very strong will and confidence for a non-cricket enthusiast to even aspire about reaching heights in their respective game. And cricket is not even a part of Olympics, so whom do we have to represent India internationally? It is truly sad that we are not even extending moral support to Indian hockey players or others who reached a commendable stage of their career and are now gearing to show their talent to the world.
Cricket is NOT the only sport we have, but Cricket is THE sport we’re excessively concentrating on, unfortunately! It is time that we think beyond cricket. Beyond Sachin’s retirement and Dhoni’s leadership. I agree that Cricket is a sport the Nation is probably obsessed with, but we MUST allow other sports to share the limelight, not just a mention in the news.
Phir dil do hockey ko, Abe dhakkan cricket ke sadme se toh bahar ane de!