Monthly Archives: April 2012

The Reason i don’t want a girl in my life right now!

There are two reasons:

1. They Annoy me. 

2. They don’t understand Sarcasm. 

If i had a girlfriend right now, my phone inbox would be filled with crappy no meaning conversations like this:

My girlfriend: Hi!
Me: Hey!

My girlfriend: I see a bit of sarcasm in your tone.
Me: Sarcasm? Why would I be sarcastic?

My girlfriend: How would I know? Ask yourself.
Me: But pray tell me, how can a “Hey” be sarcastic?

My girlfriend: You wouldn`t understand. Forget it.
Me: Aree…if you didn`t want me to think about it, why even mention it? Answer my question – how can a “Hi” be sarcastic?

My girlfriend: I donno. I no longer feel the same warmth in your tone.
Me: Is it because of the cold I have?

My girlfriend: See, you are being sarcastic again.
Me: Yes, this time….I agree.

My girlfriend: If you can agree now…why didn`t you agree earlier?
Me: I am not being sarcastic baby. Tell me what makes you think something is wrong.

As i said, they dont understand Sarcasm! 😦

My girlfriend: I don`t know. My heart says so.
Me: Your heart? I didn`t know hearts could speak!

My girlfriend: See…you are being sarcastic again!
Me: Yes, this time also….I agree.

My girlfriend: I feel things aren`t the same with us anymore.
Me: What makes you feel so?

My girlfriend: Your tone.
Me: Do you think gargling would help? It is this darn cold.

My girlfriend: I can see the sarcasm flowing again.
Me: Yes, this time also….I agree.

My girlfriend: You never used to raise your voice with me.
Me: But baby, we have known each other for two years now. Even married couples start fighting in two years!

My girlfriend: Don`t. Don`t raise your voice.
Me: No I didn`t! I didn`t raise my voice at all!

My girlfriend: Now you are. Why are you shouting?
Me: If you get unreasonable, what do I do?

My girlfriend: See….I told you…you aren`t the same anymore.
Me: Ohh God. What makes you think so?

My girlfriend: Don`t raise your voice, I said.
Me: No sweetheart. I am not raising my voice.

My girlfriend: You don`t have to say that so loudly. I am NOT deaf.
Me: I know you are not deaf of ears….

My girlfriend: See…sarcasm again.
Me: Ohh my God. Tell me what I have to do to make you happy!

My girlfriend: Just be yourself.
Me: Baby, I am being myself.

My girlfriend: No, this isn`t the man I loved.
Me: I am just myself. How can a man who lives for 100 years change drastically in 2 years?

My girlfriend: You never used to argue with me earlier.
Me: I am not arguing!

My girlfriend: Don`t shout!
Me: I am not shouting!

My girlfriend: I think you want to dump me.
Me: No I don`t. Why would I? This started as a casual conversation and here we are talking of dumping?

My girlfriend: Yes. That`s what you want to do…and I can feel that.
Me: What makes you feel that?

My girlfriend: I donno….I just know.
Me: How can you know ….when you donno…

My girlfriend: I donno…
Me: Ok fine. So what should we do? You suggest.

My girlfriend: Take a one-week break, maybe?
Me: I am fine with the idea, if that`s what you want.

My girlfriend: I don`t want that. I am just doing it for you.
Me: What??!!

My girlfriend: Yes. Let us take a break, if that`s what you want.
Me: Ok fine.

My girlfriend: Now you being sarcastic…
Me: How can “Ok fine” be sarcastic?

My girlfriend: I donno…
Me: I donno too sweetheart. But bye.

My girlfriend: Bye.
Me: Yes, take care. Call me if you feel like calling me.

My girlfriend: See…you are being sarcastic about my feelings now.
Me: Yes, I was.

And now i am praying to god to please let my phone battery be dead when the next message comes! Women are complex, much more than the algebra.

Original Idea form ouchmytoe.com

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The Indian “Red Dot”, The English ruling India.

Y’all know it amazes me how the so called NRI people think that the little traditions that Indian people follow are actually stupid & silly. They are followed very strictly because they are 100 years old traditions for us like the little “Bindi” or as the NRI would call it the red little dot is actually a very old tradition followed by the married woman of India.  It’s not like the little “Red Dot on the Forehead”  is a button & by pressing that button the person wearing that “Bindi” will go on a standby mode. So relax, it’s not a standby button.

India is a free country, we are free of those  “Angrejo ka raaj” if we didn’t have independence then we would still be  sipping tea and would be praying to the queen of England instead of all the different gods that Indians pray right now & we would  be playing cricket day in and day out. Oh! i forgot, India lives, breathes,shits,pisses,farts cricket. Everything is related to cricket in India these days. But still, if the English ruled in India, Cricket would be our national sport.

And just FYI, We dont talk in English like the way Russell Peter imitates the Indians. we never ever talk like that! that’s just plain stupid.

My Computer torments me like my Girlfriend

There are 99.9% of youth in India who would love to have a healthy relationship with a girl right now as we speak. But Interestingly, i fall in the category of that 0.01% who doesn’t want a relationship right now as we speak. Experts & Researchers say that being in a relationship can really be a torment if you’re Girlfriend is blessed with this irritating/annoying gift to nag. and you can find it in every women. it just comes like an inbuilt package, you cant uncheck it and look for other options. Being a man. i sometimes feel handicapped and as all of you know i’m a fun loving guy and a Violence Free guy, since then, my Computer loves to exploit me. 😦

DAMN!

Yes, the same PC that i got it in 2001 and my father gave it for service and maintenance in 2005 and i am still stuck with its low speed, the problem is that it loves to exploit me, she takes advantage of my care free and easy going nature. It annoys me in the morning and in the noon and also @ the night. It also comes up with new ideas and opportunities to irritate me, especially when i am doing an important work like making a project or setting up a hardware server. I spend almost all the 24 hours on the internet, that’s what my work  demands me to do and i do it. so, it’s like a relationship that i share with me and my PC. and we just celebrated our 11th anniversary in February. So, like a truly devoted, Indian Girlfriend, my pc has taken the holy task of irritating me and tormenting me whenever she gets the chance.

But, on the brighter side, there are days, when my PC spares me the agonies and lets me do my work without any glitch….. (rare moments of its friendly mood). So, that’s my story…..Me….. an earthly soul carrying the cross of the sinful technology..…

And, did I tell you that my PC  is looking for its lost sibling (the ‘Kumbh Ka Mela’ effect)? This cousin, says my PC, is much more annoying and is, currently, unleashing itself on an unknown, helpless Indian in some remote corner of the country…….Do tell me if this ‘helpless Indian’ is you.

Kindly Share my tragic story with your friends and increase my blog’s popularity and i wish you a PC/Laptop hanging free life! 🙂

The Lovey Dovey Effect Returns!

People who are just 17 years old cant deny that their love is just short term and it’s not going to workout between those two 17 years toddler couple because people change and so do their priorities. But, when you get hit by that love arrow hit by the cupid of  love, no matter how big stud you are or you’re just a silent guy like me,  when  you fall in love, you start doing weird things. First of all, its not easy to fall in love, you need to have feeling for that special someone.it’s like being electrocuted or getting exposed to Love Rays. when you’re in a relationship, Shit Happens! You start sharing your feeling, your deepest darkest secrets and desires to that special someone. And then comes the time of  The Lovey Dovey Conversations. let me show you some of the Lovey Dovey Conversations between a couple who are in a relationship. Now, keep in mind i will reveal some true hidden meanings behind the conversations.

Boy: hey, I was sleeping, sorry i  couldn’t take your calls.

(I was Watching Cricket match and also wanted to witness Sachin make a century but, thanks for disturbing?)

Girl: It’s Ok! i know you had a reason for not picking up my phone earlier.

(I Actually called to breakup because you’re not answering any of my calls, Bhaago Bhaiya.)

Girl: Will you be there with me always?

(Or should i start looking for someone else?)

Boy: Yes, of course i will be! always.

(Even Though your mom’s hotter than you.)

Girl: How do i look?

(I always look beautiful in this, Duh!)

Boy: Terrific. Wow! an Angel on Earth.

(Your mom’s still hotter than you.)

Girl: what do you think of Rima? She’s a pain in the ass, she made me cry. 😦

(I Hate her, you should hate her too. )

Boy: She’s a Bitch. How can she make an angel like you cry?

(Oh God! thanks for making rima!!!)

Girl: I think i’m a burden on you.

(Say Yes and leave, I like Vishal.)

Boy: I think you deserve better.

(Oh! thanks god, Rima here i come.)

Anyways, this was just fun, i respect the lovers and their feelings, if you didn’t like it, Sue me!

Until Next time, Cheers. 🙂