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The New is You!

No one wants to die, even people who want to go to Heaven don’t want to die to get there, and yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. right now, the new is you. Right now, the new is you. But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it’s quite true. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important have the courage to follow your own heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary!

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Love is Blind, Marriage is an Eye-Opener

SARCASM: Nobody ever does it better than me!

Dr. Anmol Jani PHD. In Sarcanomics

The best Revenge plan for your Ex-GF is to get married. Conditions May Apply.

The Evolution

Hello, my dear lovebirds, if you are reading this post while holding hands with your wife or soon-to-be wife.Then, let me warn you after reading this post your life is gonna turn upside down. if you still want to read then, Suit yourself.

Nicely dedicated to all the lovebirds who are patient of the LOVEY DOVEY EFFECT i know the day you turn 25 your parents start searching for your life partner and in some case men introduce their girlfriends to their parents and some tell their parents that they are gay and it turns out to be your mum dads worst nightmare. We all know how the parents pressure you saying, “I dont have so much time left, i want to see my grand kids before i go”. So you get married before you even get a single white hair or before you go bald. And once you go into the marriage season you will never come out of it.

Marriage is like being BLACK, because once you `go black you never go back.

And then once you get married, the real fun ride starts and everything you do after marriage ends up on a video site or on Facebook. let’s get started:

1. PHOTOS: I totally get it, you are getting married, you need to live and cherish this moment forever you wanna take photos and videos as memories. so you click all the pictures of the Engagement, Mehendi, the Pre-Wedding and all the dances then the wedding, the dinner, the post wedding party and last but not the least the reception.you take all the pics and share it with your friends on facebook. make an album and name it “Bandhan Saat janmo ka!” the thing is i am frustrated and irritated with all the nonsensical drama bullshit. that’s why i dont attend weddings anymore. So, unless your cousin is sexy and hot as hell, please dont upload the pics.

2. The I-get-your-last-name theory: Now, this is some interesting stuff. let me explain, you get married. OK, then why the girl changes her own name. let’s take a famous example, Aishwarya Rai  gets married to Abhishek Bachchan and then she changes her own name from Ashwarya Rai to Ashwarya Rai Bachchan. WHY? that’s not all, married couple sometimes does the mistake to operate from one facebook account. How in the hell can you have a common social networking account? it’s a social networking site man, c’mon! it’s made for an individual. And what happens if that couple decide to  get a divorce, who keeps the facebook account? Huh? and then what happens the court agrees to the divorce. the lawyers fight over who should get that Facebook account. that will be an amazing courtroom scene. i wouldn’t miss to see that.

3. Our kids are actually cute: This is not your fault actually. This is hardwired I guess. A new born baby has got to be beautiful, cute, sweet and all that, Right? Look at him, isn’t he cute?, isn’t he?- Absolutely (To fellow Pissed off people: The best way to diplomatically handle this situation is to say, “He/She looks just like you, No seriously, just like you”, now whatever that means). Is this not enough that we say all these nice stuff when he/she is born that you go ahead and make your kid participate in who’s the cutest contest?, WTF? I bet in future your kid will make you participate in who is more retarded, my mom or my dad contest?

4. Who’s the best: Who the hell are you, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? Why do you keep participating in all these contests? If you think you are the perfect couple, good for you. Why do you need that constant affirmation from your friends on that? Bring this to an end alright. I ask this nicely because couples like to hear and believe that they look perfect together, may be you do or may be you are just stupid. Who am I to say? I’ll pray to whomsoever required, will bribe if need be, to make you guys win if that ensures a once and for all end to this.

5. How about a PDA: I swear on my newly brought computer hard disk that if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s PDA! More so, if you are already married. I get it when I see a 3rd year engineering guy cozing up with a 2nd year DU chick at central park. I do. These guys are short of space. But you? You guys are married for hell’s sake. Show some decency. That’s all I ask.

Till then have a happy married life.

To,

Future Mrs. Jani,

Please don’t be mad at me after reading this post. I promise, I’ll let you upload all these stupid pics and stuff wherever and whenever you like. If you dont want to change your last name then, what will not happen, no questions asked. We’ll name our babies (I say babies, my only wish) as derivatives of your name, so they’ll automatically be cute and all that. We’ll participate in all these contests too and will send requests to the complete friends list to like our entry. And last, we’ll make love in that central park if that’s what you want. I love you Mrs. Jani, in advance.

I’m the winged cupid, stupid!

The unluckiest number in everybody’s life is 13. But, for me its 14. You see what falls after 4 days is what people call “The Valentines Day” or “The day of love, where couples come together exchange lovey dovey smiles and give each other flying kisses and the guy gives her a box of chocolates and then she looks at the price tag and says, ” The price of my love is just 750 rupees of Ferrero Rocher.” And then the girls open the box and eats all the chocolates, they don’t even share 😦 Some one will say that i am very unlucky that i don’t have a date at valentines day. But. i will consider myself very lucky, that i don’t have to spend 1000 rupees on my girlfriend and give her stupid chocolate boxes and valentine cards and a bouquet and exchange all the flying kisses. I’m a MAN, i don’t prefer to do that. so, i made up a list of what i’ll do at valentines day without a date. So, here it Goes:

No Date… No Problem!

I Ain't got a date

1. If you are a home person just like me, then help your mom in household chores. Or here’s an interesting thing. Plant an idea on your parents mind to just let everything go at 14th. Let them have fun and see the sparks fly. Arrange a date for them, make the arrangements. book a fine table for two at one of the best restaurants in your city. trust me, you’ll feel good inside that you made your parents life interesting again. Ooh! i’m getting a little bit senti .

2. If you’re a computer enthusiast like me then date online with other lady geeks. login to sites like cloudgirlfriend or zoosk and start dating someone online. Don’t worry, eventually you’re gonna end up having fun or being aroused by a man.

3. Find an amusement park in your city. go there have fun, eat, drink, go on a roller coaster ride and then puke on little kids. trust me, it’s better than spending 1000 rupees for your girlfriend buying Chocolates and cards and jeans of her size which you cant find in the entire state. 😉

4. Go for a Road trip. fill some petrol/diesel in your vehicle and go as fast as you can. You get the excitement, the thrill and you’ll enjoy each and every moment of it. trust me, you’ll never for get that moment of your life. Or, If you cant go on a road trip then sit your ass down on the sofa and watch Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara ( The Indian version of road trip filled with love and romace 😦 )

Last but not the least……………

5. Attempt Suicide. (Because you have failed…. Failed to get a date on 14th February Valentines day!)

I’m planning to do at least one of the things on 14th. what are you gonna do?
Anmol Jani – I bring the “F” into Funny! Or at least i think so.

Happy Valentines day (in Advance) Fuc***s.

Like, comment and share this post with your friends if you don’t have a date on Valentines and if you do have then, get a picture of you and your date together and tell me how’d you had your valentines day together and mail it to me on janianmol@hotmail.com.

I still have more to post, so keep reading ,facebooking, tweeting and also join me on Facebook: Anmol Jani and also on twitter: Anmol Jani

Thanks for reading My #Life.